Station Buffet | Fun and Stuff

 

Jokes 15

After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive", Osama decided to personally send President Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was "still in the game".

Mr. Bush opened the letter, which contained a single line of "coded" message:

370HSSV-0773H

Mr. Bush was baffled, so he sent copies to his Chief of Staff, and several Secretaries, including Condi Rice and Donald Rumsfeld. Their assistants and aides had no clue as to the meaning or translation of the code, so it was sent to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, then to the CIA and also to NASA. With no clue to the translation, they eventually asked Israel's MOSAD for help.

Within a minute, MOSAD cabled the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he is holding the message upside down."

 

A customer at the Station BUffet marvelled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, John, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," John replies, lowering his voice so the other customers won't hear, "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"Do you sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only £4 apiece," says John.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the buffet complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough, " says John.

The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, John," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for £4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for £2. ....You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says John. "You're smarter already".

 

Why chocolate is better than sex!!

  1. You can GET chocolate.
  2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
  3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
  4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
  5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
  6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
  7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
  8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
  9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
  10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
  11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
  12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
  13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
  14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
  15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
  16. Good chocolate is easy to find.
  17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
  18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
  19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbours awake.
  20. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.

 

I parked in a disabled space yesterday and a traffic warden shouted to me, "Oi, what's your disability mate?"

I said, "Tourettes you c*nt, now f*ck off!!!"

 

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some
bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the
woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never
have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the
stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always
get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the
container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to
her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." The annoyed
blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the
container: "To apply, push up bottom."

 

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg.

Personally, I think it's prosthetic.

News reports have confirmed that Sir Paul McCartney has separated from his wife Heather Mills-McCartney. Lady Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm really stumped"

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk out on a relationship like this"

After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever consider going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if we called her Heather.

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if an agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to stand on.

Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity may have been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to get her leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the cause. "Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get home at night and find her legless"

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present that Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler.

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate "I'm f---ed, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says "try Paul McCartney"

Finally a poem by Sir Paul McCartney:

"I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river"

These jokes are funny but lets spare a thought for Paul please. Now she has left him, he's going to struggle to find another woman who can fill her shoe.

 

 

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