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Tesco Every Little Helps

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Harry says to Martin behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend time at the doctors," Martin replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs two quid. . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Harry deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits two quid, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy lifting or strenuous activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Tesco."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Harry began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Harry hurries back to Tesco, eager to check the results. He deposits two quid, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a solicitor.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

 

 

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